For the record I just want to say that even though I might probably live for nostalgia, complain about the real world, and about growing up and gaining more responsibilities these have really been the best years of my life. Childhood may seem like the ultimate escape sometimes, in real actuality, I wouldn't trade what I have now to go back.

Onto the list.

1) When I actually believed my mom and dad loved each other. There was a time that if they "kissed and made up" everything would get better again. That no matter what happened between them, we'd always be a family.

2) Waiting for when I could hang out with my group of friends who lived on the block when we got out of school. There were so many good times while I lived on that street. We pushed each other in the pool in my back yard, started a tradition of rolling red berries down neighborhood driveways on Valentines Day, and did crazy things like build our own club house with swinging chairs from the ceiling. We had a massive water balloon fight that made up of thirty kids all going at each other with water hoses and balloon launchers. Chased after the ice cream truck and ran for our lives whenever the man inside looked at us.

3) I miss how much I used to read. I couldn't breathe without telling you of some book that I was reading, and how proud I was that by 7th grade, I was picking up Ben Hur just because I had run out of books that were the required reading level for my age. I remember my mom having to kick me out of the house because I would sit on the couch too long. Really though, I think that was about the only time she was proud of me too.

   

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For shame.

How do I put this eloquently? Ok, no. Forget grammatical condolences, let's get down to the chase. Shall we?

It's two weeks into school and I've pretty much already been asked out on a date. Pretty much. It's not that I'm completely closed minded about it either, I'm not. It's hard to say this without sounding like something off a bad chick-flick. One of the good reasons I hate romance by the way.

I have so many other things going on in my life right now. My family has finally settled into a routine of school for my sister and I, and working for both my parents are I. I'm trying to make ends meet even though I'm still living in my own house. But it doesn't mean I'm pretty much not paying for everything else besides room and board, and some food. Which I have to clarify that I'm not complaining about it, but it's another thing for me to do.

I take care of my room, my car, my education (all aspects), my job, getting my sister to school, my friends, paying for my laptop, cell phone and anything extra I want to do. It adds up.

Quite honestly, I've finally become happy settling into a schedule of school, work, and play. I don't think I can invest all the time nessecary for a relationship. And I know this is a huge turnoff. This is like the number one thing a guy doesn't want to hear probably (not the number one, but one of them), but it's the truth. I'm not going to get to my goal by sitting around waiting for the world to happen. It's happening already and I still feel like I'm trying to catch up.

Work is finally picking up for me. They're seriously talking about putting me in a manager position which means a whole lot more than just brewing coffee and making lattes. It means doing basically all the things I've been doing with a greater salary and with keys in my hand.

That's exciting for me.

At the same time I can't help but think I'm going to be one of those career-minded individuals who has no time for play and relationships.

I love friendships. I adore every aspect that I can get from hanging out to late-night phone calls. I will be the first to admit that I'm skeptical about love. My last couple of relationships didn't end too well and really, if that's all it's going to be again, I don't have the time and resources to put into a failure. Or in another manner of speaking: I can't be expending myself into something that isn't going to work out. Like an "all or nothing" kind of deal. Experimenting isn't an option for me.

So honestly I need some feedback. The only reason I'm writing this now is because I have a very serious thing happening right here and I don't know what to do.